


The Birds and the Jägers

by StripedSunhat



Series: Single Father Klaus [9]
Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Klaus misreads what's going on, Pre-Canon, Tarvek's lingering shadow, so in other words Tuesday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 07:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16657090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripedSunhat/pseuds/StripedSunhat
Summary: As previously stated, Gil is growing up.  And part of growing up is the emergence of certain feelings that weren't there before.  Which means it's time for Klaus to have a certain conversation with his son to explain those feelings.Klaus would really,reallylike this conversation to be over please.





	The Birds and the Jägers

**Author's Note:**

> Gil has only ever loved two people. For whatever crushes or ridiculous, embarrassing attractions he might have over the years, he's only ever loved two. Fight me.

Klaus stared at his son in a sort of vague, detached horror.

If Bill and Barry were still alive they would be laughing their asses off.

He had a crystal clear memory of the three of them. It was one of those memories where he hadn’t consciously tried to retain it, instead it had accidently imprinted itself into his mind. They’d just caused a rather deranged Spark’s lab to explode – or rather he caused his own lab to explode. But they’d survived and he hadn’t so they were counting it as a win, even if the surrounding five kilometers were now covered in cheese. They’d checked; all the still semi-sentient globs would die off by nightfall. All three of them had positively reeked of limburger and as such the rest of the bar was giving them wide berth. Even the bartender hadn’t been willing to get too close, instead sliding the drinks down the entire length of the bar.

Klaus could remember they’d taken advantage of the bubble of pseudo-privacy to talk freely, a conversation that after three or four tankards had only gotten freer. He couldn’t remember how they’d ended up on the subject of future children, only that they had and then somehow remained stuck on it.

“And what are you going to do when it comes time to teach your son or daughter about the birds and the jägers?” Bill had demanded roughly ten minutes into a rapidly escalating standoff between the two of them. Barry had started assembling something using a broken barstool and the remaining cheese stuck to his hair and as such had been useless for moderating.

“That won’t be a problem.”

“Oh it won’t?”

That’s right. Because I will have a wife. She can handle it.”

Bill stared. Barry looked up from his whatever. Both Heterodynes burst into laughter. “That’s your brilliant solution?” Bill asked. “Foist it off onto your wife and hope she doesn’t kill you for it?”

“I think it’s a brilliant idea,” Barry said, laughing so hard he knocked whatever he’d been making onto the floor. “Especially if the alternative is to let Klaus stumble though it himself.”

Klaus distinctly remembered that his glare had done nothing to quell the laughter.

Bill had picked his tankard back up. “Just so you know Klaus, when you crash and burn, I’m going to remind you of this.”

At the time Klaus had merely scoffed, content with his own certainty.

And then Gilgamesh had come into his office a minute ago, sat down and asked, “What does it mean to be in love?”

Klaus had choked on air. Gilgamesh had stared at him.

Gilgamesh continued to stare at him and _didn’t go away_. This was _really happening._

He’d never regretted leaving Skifander more.

“Well, um… You see…” Klaus cleared his throat. Gil kept staring at him. “As you grow up, you start experiencing… changes.” He cleared his throat. Had the action always sounded so loud? It did now. “That is – There are certain… differences between boys and girls. Differences that, as you get older, become bigger.” Klaus froze. “That came out wrong. I mean – Boys and girls’ bodies are… shaped… differently–”

“Stop!” Gilgamesh’s eyes had widened in a mixture of disgusted horror. “Oh sweet lightning, please just stop.” He was failing as a parent. He was failing as a parent and he didn’t care. So long as he did not have to have this conversation. “I already know all that. Please don’t.” Gil shuddered. “Just – no.” Oh Thank God, it wasn’t a sex talk.

“Then… I’m not quite sure why you’re here.”

“I want to know – I mean…” Gil took a deep breath. “How do you know when you’re in love?” Wait. Was this worse? No, it was better, right?

Except now rather than simple hormones they were talking about emotions, and people.

And what had Gilgamesh meant when he said he ‘already knew all that’? Had someone else already had the talk with him? Who could have possibly given Gilgamesh the talk? And why hadn’t Klaus been informed of this?

“Father?" Klaus jolted back to the conversation. Gilgamesh was staring nervously up at him. He looked ready to bolt any second. Klaus could sympathize.

“Is there a particular person you have in mind that’s sparked this question?”

“No,” Gil said, _far_ too quickly. Yeah, sure. Who could Gil have feelings for? The only girl even close to his age that he spent any real time with was O’Hara. She was… cute? Probably? Klaus had no idea how to gauge objective attractiveness of children. Most were cute in a vaguely general sense from ages one to five with the exception of the hideously ugly. Past five though it became a lot harder. Once they hit fourteen or fifteen he could usually guess who would grow up handsome but the for the hazy in-between ages he was lost. (Gilgamesh was of course unsurpassably adorable and always would be.)

She was a good friend to Gil. Or at the very least she seemed to be. That was good. Friendship was a good starting point on which to build deeper feelings. But it could be tricky. And occasionally _incredibly_ awkward. Should he warn Gilgamesh about that? Or would that be even more awkward? He probably wouldn’t listen to him anyway; Gil was stubborn. It was something of a right of passage anyway, awkwardly crushing on your friend and hopefully not torpedoing everything because of it. He remembered those few months with Bill – And Nope. Nope Nope. Not going there. No sirree.

Right. Advice. Advice for Gil. He still needed to give Gil advice.

“The first thing you need to know is that love is… complicated.”

“Complicated,” Gil said in what was a decidedly not impressed tone of voice. Here Klaus was providing good advice and his son was skeptical. Honestly. No respect for his elders.

“Yes,” Klaus said, firmer. He straightened his spine and did his best to slip into the role of teacher. He could do this. “It is _complicated._ There are a great deal of components that go into navigating an attraction to another person. First you have to figure out what kind of attraction it is. There’s attraction that grows from friendship.” Gil twitched. Oh, his son so had a crush. “You can be attracted to a person’s intelligence.” Gil nodded slightly, probably unaware he was even doing so. “You can be attracted to a person’s personality.”

Gil started nodding before pausing and tilting his head to the side. “Isn’t intelligence a part of a person’s personality?”

“Intelligence is important enough to be separate.”

“Oh. Okay, that makes sense.”

“You can be attracted to a person’s looks.” Klaus paused, waiting for the nod. But his son didn’t nod, instead furrowing his brow like he was trying to picture something but couldn’t. Dear Lord, he was all in favor of his son not being shallow but he saw O’Hara every day. Had he seriously never even thought about how she looked? “You can even be attracted to someone you don’t even know because of their looks.”

“That makes no sense.”

Klaus grinned at his son in response. “Wait till you’re older. It will.”

“I doubt it,” Gil grumbled.

“You’d be surprised. One day you may even find yourself attracted to someone you actively dislike because of their looks.”

“That makes even less sense.”

“Wait till you’re older. It will. One time I – Youknowwhatnevermind. It’s not important.”

“O-kay?”

New topic he needed a new topic right now. Oh please let this stop.

“Attraction is not the same thing as love!” he said. All right so it was probably closer to a yell by the way Gilgamesh jumped. It was fine. Kept him focused and alert. So it was a good thing even.

Klaus coughed to clear his throat before continuing at a more – sane – volume. “Just because you find yourself attracted to someone or even in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re in love. “It can be a hard to know when you love someone and when you only think you love them. It’s often complicated to tell the difference. Oftentimes even when you’ll think you’re in love you won’t be.” Gil nodded, expression serious. Klaus felt a kernel of pride at how seriously his son was taking this. “And just because you have feelings for someone doesn’t mean you can trust them. In fact if anything it means the opposite because your judgment will be compromised by your feelings.”

Klaus stopped. He had no clue what else to say. “Do you have any questions?”

“Have you ever been in love?” His mind filled with images of green hair and laughing eyes. He immediately shoved it back down. Then he stopped. No. He was going to talk to his son _properly_ about this. And that meant he couldn’t shy away from the memory of a wife he’d never see again.

“Yes. I have.”

“Mother?” Gilgamesh asked hesitantly. He knew how out of bounds the topic was normally.

Klaus took a deep, steadying breath. “Yes. She wasn’t the first woman I loved, but she was the last. And the most important.” Klaus shifted in his seat, hyperaware that this was more than he’d ever talked to Gilgamesh about Zantabraxus before. “But. It doesn’t really matter. Whatever you’re feeling now is probably not love at all, you’re just too young to tell the difference yet.” Gilgamesh flinched. “That’s not what I meant. I meant that –”

“It’s fine,” Gilgamesh said quickly

And he’d just destroyed his son’s first crush. Great job there.

“I’m sure your feelings are real. Whatever they are.”

“It’s fine,” Gil repeated louder. “And I don’t love anyone yet. I don’t.”

“Of course not. But even if you don’t have a crush on anyone yet” –not likely but given the blunder he’d just made he was willing to humor his son – “I’m sure there will be plenty of girls in the future.”

“What about – What if it’s not a girl?”

Ah. Of course Gil would leapfrog right into an entirely separate issue.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You can like a boy. You can even love a boy. You can love as many boys as you want."  He paused, considering how to phrase this next part.  "However, even if you do fall in love, you can’t marry him.” Gilgamesh’s posture immediately went stiff and defensive. “It’s not anything like that,” Klaus hastened to add.

“Then what is it like?” Gil said. His hands were curled into fists and every inch of him was rigid. Oh. This wasn’t hypothetical, was it? Gilgamesh’s crush was on a boy, wasn’t it.

Well he supposed his crush wasn’t O’Hara then after all.

Klaus sighed. “It’s not a question of love it’s a question of politics.”

“Politics?” Gil repeated, glancing up at him, hopeful and confused and oh so painfully innocent. In that moment Klaus hated the entire world for being such that he had to have this conversation with his son. That Gilgamesh had to have this choice, this chance at love, stolen from him.

Klaus nodded. “You are my son. One day you are going to be the next Baron. And you will have to think about the future of the empire. Including having an heir to pass the empire to. A legitimate heir.” This wasn’t working. “Your feelings will of course be taken into account, but when it comes to marriage there will be more important things to consider.”

“But –”

“Son,” Klaus cut him off before realizing he had absolutely no idea what to say next. He groped for some kind of explanation to make this better. “Look, you see, marriage is very political. And well, you can’t just –” Suddenly he hit upon an idea. “It’s like this. Your friends, Theopholous and Sleipnir, they have feelings for each other.”

Gil, who’d been slowly unwinding, went stock-still. “They don’t –”

“I’m trying to make a point son, stop trying to hide secrets I already know.”

“I’m sorry Father.”

“It’s alright,” Klaus said, waving a hand. “Now, your friends Theopholous and Sleipnir have feelings for each other.” Gil gave a tiny nod. “Which is harmless enough right now; however Sleipnir has an engagement arranged by her parents. So whatever feelings they may or may not have when they get older don’t matter. It’s not that their feelings are lesser, it’s just that when it comes to marriage they’re irrelevant.”

“You loved my mother.”

“Yes.”

“You married her.”

“And look how that turned out.”

Gilgamesh opened his mouth as if to say something then shut it again with a click. His hands curled into his sleeves. “Yes Father.” Gil looked down for a moment. “Can you love someone who’s not there?”

“Yes,” he said immediately. “You absolutely can.”

“How long until it stops?

Klaus sighed. He almost wished this was still an awkward talk about burgeoning hormones and first crushes. Leave it to his son to somehow manage to turn this into a complex, painful conversation about love. “It depends.” His mind still filled with Zantabraxus. “Sometimes never.”

“What – What about people you shouldn’t love?”

“And why shouldn’t you love them?”

Gil stared at his lap, his hands curling into fists again. He was silent for a long moment. “Because he – Because, Because I –” His knuckles flew straight past white to translucent. “Because you _shouldn’t_.”

Klaus frowned at his son. Well that was a strong reaction. Who could his son have feelings for that would cause –

Oh.

Ooh.

Of course.

Theopholous DuMedd.

It all made sense now; Gil had a crush on Theo, who in turn was smitten with Sleipnir. And Gil felt guilty. He was their friend and he felt his feelings were a betrayal to them.

Oh, Gilgamesh.

“You know son, just because you shouldn’t love them now, doesn’t mean that it will always be true. Sometimes situations change.”

“This one won’t,” Gil said, with such an air of depressed certainty that Klaus just wanted to hug him.

“Gilgamesh –”

“It’s fine.” Gil hopped down from his chair, gaze riveted to the floor. “I should – I should go. Thank you Father.” He gave a quick bow of his head, never fully looking up, and marched out of the door.

That went… well.

At least it was over.

.

.

.

God he needed a drink.

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus low-key supports the idea of Gil and Theo throughout basically all of Gil's adolescence. Theo's a good kid, despite his family ties, and he's both compliant enough and far enough under Klaus's thumb to step aside without any fuss when the time comes.
> 
> 'The Talk' was given to Gil (along with the rest of the students) by Von Pinn. It was thorough, educative, and highly scarring. No one's looking forward to the more detailed follow-up conversation a year from now.


End file.
